The Magnificent Magical Loveseat
by magalena
Summary: Hermione is a Charms researcher for the Department of Magical Artifacts and Antiquities. How can a charmed piece of furniture affect her relationship with Severus? Second place winner for best drabble series at 2009 OWL awards. SS/HG


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; I make no money here.

AN: Many thanks to my betas, Alley B and sweettiff_14. Thanks for all your help.

**The Magnificent Magical Loveseat**

Hermione Granger was one of the top researchers in the Department of Magical Artifacts and Antiquities. She'd been hired directly after completing her Masters apprenticeship and becoming a certified Charms mistress. Thereafter, she'd swiftly risen up the ranks.

She loved her job. Her specialty was mapping and decoding complex charms on magical artifacts. It was similar to curse breaking, and she often worked quite closely with people like Bill Weasley, but her area of expertise was in latent charms rather than actual curses. These charms sometimes lay dormant for years, then some event or series of actions would reactivate them.

~*~

Sometimes this was harmless. For example, someone's great-grandmother's hall mirror suddenly started giving out flowery compliments or fashion advice. Sometimes it was annoying; the same mirror might make scathing comments or insults. Sometimes it was much more sinister; such as the mirror showing scenarios of the owner's wife having an affair with his business partner, thus driving the owner to the brink of insanity, and causing him to attempt to murder his wife in a fit of jealous rage.

That last had actually happened just three months back. Hermione still felt bad; if only they'd brought the artifact to them earlier.

~*~

Right now, she wasn't thinking of magical mirrors or malevolent charms; she was hurrying back to her office to meet her lunch date.

Since returning to England, she and Severus Snape had been dancing around each other, and she felt like finally they were getting somewhere. After months of flirting, he'd finally asked her out to dinner. Things had gone well, and they'd had two more dates and several long conversations in the intervening weeks. She had a good feeling. He was the last man she'd ever thought she would fall for, but Hermione thought this relationship had real potential.

~*~

Hermione stopped to chat with her personal assistant, William. He'd been most happy to be assigned to Hermione. He had a large case of hero worship and felt that working for her elevated his status in the office pool.

"Here are your messages, Dr. Granger."

"William, how many times must I tell you: it's not necessary to address me so formally. We're co-workers, call me Hermione."

"We aren't co-workers: you're my boss!"

Hermione sighed. "I'm expecting my lunch date, William. Let me know when he arrives."

"Oh, he's here. I let him wait in your office and got him coffee."

~*~

"You're so efficient."

"Oh, a new artifact was delivered while you were out."

"I wasn't expecting anything: what is it?"

"Umm... let me see," he said perusing the invoice. "Enchanted furniture. A magical loveseat from the Rosier estate."

With a gasp, Hermione rushed into her office. "Severus!" she screeched. "Don't sit on that..."

He was already three quarters of the way down, too late to stop his descent. His eyes bugged out, seeing Hermione's wand pointed at him. But before she could levitate him, his butt hit the seat and... POOF! He was gone.

Oh, shit! She was so fucked!

~*~

She rushed forward, not daring to touch the settee, but circled it carefully, casting complex diagnostics. Then she noticed Severus' wand lying there, obviously fallen from his hand as he had disappeared. So wherever he was, he was now wandless!

Ohshitohshitohshit! Where did it send him, and how was she going to get him back? She hurried to the door.

"Call Harry Potter, the Minister and Bill Weasley. We need them over here ASAP!" she snapped orders.

"What's wrong, boss?"

"William, we've lost Severus Snape!"

William clutched his chest. "Heart attack?"

"He's not dead, William! That fucking loveseat kidnapped him!"

~*~

Three hours later, Hermione sat alone in her office, staring at that bloody loveseat. The consensus was don't do anything drastic. Bill was checking on specialty furniture curses; Harry was looking for information pertaining specifically to the Rosier family, and Kingsley was doing damage control before the public found out that they'd lost one of the greatest heroes of the Wizarding world.

But this was personal to Hermione. This wasn't just Snape, ex-Potions master, ex-spy, ex-Order member. This was Severus, whom she admired and was attracted to, her friend and hopefully more. She was unwilling to just wait and see.

~*~

She might be fired for this, but she refused to sit here on her arse and wait.

Hermione slipped Severus' wand into her special wand holster, locked in so it couldn't be spelled away. She wasn't sure if his wand having been left behind was an accident or was caused by the loveseat itself, but she wasn't taking any chances.

She also wasn't sure what determined where the victim ended up. Was it random? Did it transfer each person to a different destination, or did they all go to the same place? She had some theories, now to test them.

~*~

Hermione had decided to take action, but she wasn't stupid. She didn't rashly rush over and sit down. She'd studied the loveseat carefully and figured it was one of two possible charms.

It might be a modified Portkey charm. But since the loveseat didn't actually leave the room, it was possible it was similar to the vanishing cabinets that Draco had used to let Death Eaters into Hogwarts. In that case, there was another one somewhere else, which was where Severus had ended up. Without his wand, he couldn't Apparate out, and might even be locked up wherever that was.

~*~

Her second theory was that it was possible that the destination was determined by the occupant himself, or 'victim' in this case. If that was so, then Severus' subconscious thoughts might have sent him to a specific location, but without his wand, he would still be stranded. She had no way of knowing where that might be.

If the Portkey theory was correct, all she had to do was sit on the sofa and she would end up wherever he was. But if her second theory was right, then she could end up somewhere else entirely. Not a good thing!

~*~

Hermione was placing her bets on option number two. To counteract the loveseat from using her unconscious thoughts, she decided to cross-cast two charms at the same time. She simultaneously cast a revised point-me spell using Severus' wand as a focal point to locate its owner, and a replicating charm to recreate the last magic performed by the loveseat. This hopefully would lead her to the last destination "programed" by the thrice-damned, bloody piece-of-shite furniture.

She immediately felt the unbalanced, whirling sensation of magical transportation. For an instant, she thought that she'd been wrong, and it was the modified Portkey.

~*~

Hermione was a bit disoriented from the swirling, inside-out feeling of transportation, and the room she landed in was dark and silent. She stood still, listening for any threats.

Before she could pull her wand out to cast a Lumos, she was grabbed from behind and slammed up against a wall with a shriek. A hard body pinned her there as an arm pressed against her windpipe. Her vision wavered with white flashes from the blow to her head and lack of oxygen.

Just before she blacked out, she caught the slight scent of sandalwood and spice.

"Severus?" she gasped.

~*~

"Hermione?" he asked, releasing her immediately. Without support, she began to slide slowly down the wall. "Bloody, fucking hell! I had no idea it was you. Are you all right?" He grabbed her before she could fall and gently lowered her. Sitting against the wall, he cradled her in his lap. "I'm so sorry."

She groaned. "Your wand's in my holster, you sodding, Slytherin sadist. Please get it and fix my head, won't you? It feels like I've been hit by the Hogwarts Express."

He took his wand from her charmed holster, handing hers to her at the same time.

~*~

He quickly cast a Lumos and performed healing charms on her aching head. He wasn't a Potions master for nothing; he pulled a vial of pain potion from his pockets and gave her that also.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"No idea. I've been here in the dark for what seemed like hours. The door is locked; there's no other way out, and I didn't have my blasted wand. It appears to be a bedroom. Where? I don't know. "

Lifting his wand, they surveyed their surroundings. They both looked about the room in disbelief.

Suddenly, Severus burst into laughter.

~*~

Hermione didn't know which shocked her more: the room, which was decked out like some desert sultan's boudoir, or Severus' all out laughter. She'd hardly ever seen him smile or chuckle, much less laugh out loud.

"Where is this place?"

"I believe, my dear, we are actually in my old rooms in the dungeons of Hogwarts."

"Really?" she asked skeptically. "You have an unusual taste in décor."

"It does not usually look like this, I assure you," he drawled.

"Well, let me ask you this: what in Merlin's name were you thinking right before you sat down on that loveseat?"

~*~

"Why? Do you think that had an influence on all of this?" he asked, gesturing around the gaudy, silk and satin bedecked room.

"Actually, it was one of my theories. The charm relocates the 'victim' to wherever they were thinking of immediately before sitting on the loveseat. So what exactly were you thinking of, Severus?"

Hermione was again shocked as she watched Severus' face pinken slightly. She'd never seen the man blush

"I was wishing I could whisk you away from your office to somewhere extremely private where we could be alone, together and undisturbed, but also somewhere extremely romantic."

~*~

Hermione smiled. "I wouldn't have dreamed you had such a hedonistic nature, Severus."

She wandered to the bed, lightly stroking her fingers over the surface, before climbing up to kneel squarely in the center of the bed. "Are you going to join me, Caliph? Or perhaps 'my Prince' would be more appropriate?"

"You're serious?" He approached the bed, hoping she wasn't teasing.

"Oh, yes, Highness," she said. She demurely lowered her eyes; with a flick of her wand, her witch's robes became a harem girl's costume, and his robes became a Sultan's silken garb, still in his signature billowing black.

~*~

"I've been wanting to move forward. But I'm not so good at relationship politics."

Severus snorted. "And you think I am?"

"We're like the blind leading the blind, aren't we? We both wanted the same thing but had no idea how to get from point A to point B."

Severus circled the bed; Hermione's gaze followed. He crawled over the foot-board to kneel directly in front of her. His hands stroked up and down her arms, over the diaphanous material. He reached up to cup her face; she clutched his forearms as he lowered his lips for a searing kiss.

~*~

Hermione hungrily leaned into his kiss. Threading fingers through his hair, she pressed tightly against his body, groaning, "Oh, Severus. Please."

"Yes," he whispered.

"Hermione." He lowered her gently to the bed.

Hands slid over skin. Lips, mouths, tongues and teeth dueled. Bodies brushed. Sensations heightened. Upward they climbed together to reach the pinnacle, then plummeted simultaneously to the depths.

Clutching each other ardently, they cuddled and kissed, petting gently at first, then more vigorously. It was like spontaneous combustion; they cooled only to re-ignite, the whole process repeated. Finally, they slept deeply in a tangle of arms and legs.

~*~

Hours later:

"Next time, I'm the exotic Princess and you're the harem boy."

"There are no harem boys," he declared with a chuckle.

"Well, better that than the eunuch who guards the harem, right?" she teased.

"Merlin forbid!" He paused, contemplating. "Do you know the worst part, though, honestly?"

"Hmm...?"

"Years from now, we'll be forced to tell our grandchildren what really brought us together."

She smiled. "It'll become a treasured, family tale. How granny rushed off to save gramps from the terrifying, evil settee, only to discover that in actuality, they'd become happily united by the magnificent, magical loveseat."

~fin~


End file.
